Have you ever had those weeks where your mind feels like mush and the biggest challenge of the day can be what you are going to have for breakfast and the shoes you want to wear to work? I'm here to let you know it happens to me more than I'd like, but I'm slowly finding ways to make it through those tough spots and figuring out what works for me. #youdoyou. Things have certainly gotten better over the past few weeks/months, and while I'm currently living life without the mental mush, these words are still very relevant. If they have the power to help someone in need, then I can't help but to share them with you.
Foundation of post was started back in July. More thoughts found their way in August & October. Final touches were added before the post was published in December.
This was me a few weeks ago. And on a scale from 1 to 10 for mental mush, I would definitely have put myself at an 11 (no joke).
The mental mush has disappeared (for now) and I am certainly feeling more like myself. You'd almost expect me to say it just went away...but it isn't easy. I am learning more about my mental health each and every day, and I am starting to realize I have to make certain decisions throughout my week to lessen the probability of Mental Mush 2.0 happening this year or in 2016.
I found I had to step back away from the gym for a week. I had to not schedule anything for my weekends. I had to let go of my planner tendencies for a week; this actually ended up being a couple of months. Most importantly, I just had to honor what I know would help me reach my normal self and a normal level of happiness. If you told me I needed to type up a post and publish it during this time, I don't know if I would have been able to make it happen.
I am also starting to honor the thought of getting back into therapy. With only having a true diagnosis for depression, I am hoping to get a response on anxiety as well. I have no shame talking about it, but want to have the evidence for myself that it is truly anxiety. Finding this article from the Hello Giggles site has helped me solidify the thought on my own. I know I have heard similar phrases from those around me, which can spark a case of anxiety right away or adds on to anxiety I may already be feeling. Plus, having the ability to go and talk with someone not directly involved in my everyday life sounds more than glorious.
I'll admit - the anxious feelings are still there. And I'm still taking steps every day to deal with those anxious moments. A few things that have helped me:
Taking a week off from CrossFit.
Stepping back from training.
Reading books of any type, but mostly self-help/inspiration or a good fictional story.
Tending to little chores, like dishes or tidying up our living room.
Starting my 5-year Q&A book.
Honoring cravings, no matter what.
Spend time with Matthew and Lumi.
Repeat "positive vibes only" as needed.
Watching the Saccone-Joly's (all 3 channels) and Zoella.
Putting my phone in the other room.
I am finding that focusing on the small things in life has helped so much. And really, most of them are somewhat "free". I found myself so sick of relying on the world around me to find happiness or a reprieve from the anxious feelings I experienced day-to-day. It took just looking at me in the mirror, and asking "What makes you most happy in this moment?" and going along with it. I am slowing learning to live with both my depression and anxiety in a way that works for me. I am finding confidence in making decisions to benefit my life, which in turn, benefits the lives of those around me. There is nothing more in life that I want to help someone else find themselves in this crazy beautiful life.
No questions - just your beautiful thoughts. <3