I think many of us go through life, waiting on or working towards making shifts; whether those are in our work or personal lives, or some down to shifting habits, I think of them as pretty similar. Being someone who loves a little change, and finds herself always striving to make new habits, I am usually actively working on something. And it is never stressful changes - when that happens, I immediately know to take a step back and refocus on what I'm trying to carry out.
But when a shift happens on its own, and the next day feels completely different from yesterday, it is sometimes a little harder when it comes to fully understanding this new shift in life. And yes, sometimes we may never have full understanding; but being able to grasp for something helps with settling in the long run.
And recently, this is exactly what happened for me.
When the opportunity came about to become a part of the comp training at my gym, I was so excited. I was ready to make this commitment and hopefully begin to balance a new schedule with ease. But, when this wasn't the case after a week or so, it came down to evaluating with a coach about how to better fit the training around work, and around my non-gym non-work time. And we did.
But it still didn't feel right.
I honestly felt a little crazy, and continued to take it through with Matt and one of my gym buddies. I wasn't understanding why it didn't feel right.
And then one ordinary day, it all started to make sense.
As I try to recall the exact moment, it really came down to realizing there is more I want to pursue; I have this passion for helping. This passion is primarily what helped me pursue my bachelors in psychology. And I wasn't allowing time for that to happen or to concentrate on the future. Not that I felt completely selfish for accepting all the training, but putting all the training in for myself was taking away from what I truly want to pursue. I want to see myself as a CrossFit trainer, as a health and life coach, and maybe even nutritional therapy counselor/practitioner. So when my time felt divide between training and work, there was no extra time for me to explore those options. The mere thought of being able to pursue IIN to become a health coach gave me anxiety - because how was I suppose to find the time to study and absorb the information to help others? And while there are weekends to put in extra work, it still wasn't happening. I continually found myself mentally worn down and in need of time to recoup for the week ahead.
I took time to talk with my main coach, to tell him what was going on. The feeling of being completely supported and understood made me realize I was making the right decision for myself. When my emotions aren't high and tears aren't shed, I know I've made the best decision for my happiness and sanity.
I felt I would be able to jump right into my new journey, but I'm now seeing I needed time to fully process everything and get it out on the table before jumping into my dreams. The easiest way I could describe it to my coach was that there was a mental shift, one that seemed to happen overnight and needed my full attention. After having his own similar feeling, there was no way he couldn't understand where I was coming from.
While this feels like a lot of rambling, this is a long time coming. It just took time for all the thoughts to come full circle.
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