It is not very often we put our hearts on our sleeve. Why? Because it puts us in a vulnerable state, and that usually isn't anyone's first choice of where they want to be on any given day. But when we do decide to share a bit of our heart, we hope to find support at the receiving end; that compassion will soon follow the words that leave our mouth. Being someone who can experience anxiety when it comes to making decisions, having support helps me recognize I made the right decision.
And as much as we can hope and pray it will happen how we think...it doesn't always go that way. Sometimes, the support isn't there - and that's okay. I know for myself I need to become more assertive in my decisions, to never forget how I know myself best. After making a decision pulling at my anxiety, I came across this:
It pulled at my heart in a way that filled it with hope. That solidified I had made the right decision for myself. It was true, though. While I had hoped to feel relief after getting the decision out, I didn't. It felt a little dark. It still felt anxious. And it sent me through a spiral of thoughts if I had made the right decision. I made the mistake of not putting any confidence into my decision, which is something I know I need to work on. To reiterate the above - I know myself best. I should never hold back any confidence with any decision I make for myself.
After expressing the pain I was going through with two dear souls in my life, I finally found the confidence that it was the right decision. I found the support and compassion I had wanted to feel. As much as I to be confident and strong, there are still decisions in this life that can bring me down to my worst and make me second-guess my own thoughts, even if I know 100% it is the right decision for me. And trust me, I am not alone in this. We all have these moments in life.
As I mentioned on my Instagram post yesterday evening, I found signs throughout the day, ones to help me build up the confidence with my decisions. As I drove to work, a full rainbow arched over my work; and when I went home at the end of the day, I found another full rainbow bringing me home. After finding an article about the symbolism behind rainbows, this part of the author's words brought full circle the confidence I needed:
Rainbows are "an extraordinary symbol of following our heart's desire and purpose"
And I really couldn't have said it better myself.
I cannot wait to find myself growing. To break the ground around me and bloom into more of who I am recognizing myself to be. At the beginning of 2015, when most choose resolutions, I find myself searching for a word to build my year around. Some years, it ends up not being the right word. Other years, it ends up showing itself in many ways. This year, my word is Authentic. I lead many years trying to fit in, and make my decisions around the thoughts of others. But this year? I wanted to throw caution into the wind - I wanted to start living an authentic life. One that makes me happy.
This decision has allowed me to become more authentically me. It will help me to build myself up in ways I never even imagined.